Let me first begin by stating that the following is my personal opinion of myself. I have no doubt that I will exaggerate my personality in a sad attempt to make myself seem more decent. It is a concept known in psychology as, self presentation. The concept states that we do everything in our power, to present ourselves as competent individuals. So it might seem as if I am doing a bit of the self promoting, so don’t mind me.
I guess I should start with the positive nonverbal gestures. When I’m sitting I always in a position that I find very comfortable: the slouch. I know that people that slouch tend to be a bit more laid back and nonchalant, then their upright sitting counterparts and I feel that this effects my approachability. I think that since people see that I have a naturally laid back sitting style, that I must be a nice laid back person, which I truly am. I’m very, very laid back. I don’t like to stress about life (even though I really do at times) because my philosophy is that everything passes.
Also I never walk with, what I like to call, and arrogant air. I really dislike people that are arrogant; I can’t stand them. When I walk (which is almost everyday), I never walk with my head in the air. You know like those really pretentious people that believe that they are better than the whole world? I usually just cruise at a slow pace (except when I’m running to class) with a modest stride.
I think I can attribute my “cheerfulness” to my smile. I smile a lot. I’m told by my professors, and by all those around me, that I’m always smiling. This also goes hand in hand with my friendliness. I am an extremely friendly person. I love talking to all people and just having a good amount of friends, and I think that’s all my smile’s fault. When you see someone smiling, you can pretty much feel that said person is nice. At least in my book. I consider people that smile a lot to be friendly and I think most would agree with me. I also think that through the clothing I wear I affect people’s opinion of me without saying a word.
I dress in a very different manner. I believe that my clothes reflect who I am on the inside. I wear formal shirts, oxford shoes, wingtips, ties, blazers. I never, ever wear t-shirts, and almost all of my clothing is colorful. I think this sends across the message that I’m serious, and that I’m a no humbug guy. But then since I use colorful clothes, I think that is tells people that I can be bold as well. I do know for a fact that this is what people think when they see me, for I have been told so on many occasions. But then most people also get the wrong message and think that my use of stylish clothes means I’m pretentious, which I’m not.
Now for my abnormal habits. Going back to when I sit down; I may have a laid back style of sitting but I really don’t like getting close to people. I always sit a bit further away from people than normal people. I was talking with my friend, and she actually brought this to my attention. She thought I for a while that I didn’t like her, and that’s why I sat so far away from her. She is a really good friend, and I talk to her all the time, but I just can’t sit next to her, or anyone really. I also hate hugs and every time I’m offered one, I always do that awkward pat on the back hug. I think this creates distance between my friends. I have explained these problems to my closer friends and they have accepted them, but some people just don’t understand. Plus I have this habit, that my dad taught me.
My dad is not a very trusting guy. He does not trust people too often and I guess he rubbed his paranoia off on me. He taught me that I should always be in control of my environment. Okay, sure I can’t make people sit where I would like them to sit or be for that matter, but I can get a bit of control by at least knowing what is going on around me. So he always taught me that I should glance around my environment for any potential “threats” so to speak. That I should know who and what is around me, and what people are doing. He also taught me to sit with my back against walls and away from windows and places that offer cover and a good view of the area, but that’s a separate issue. I think this tells the people around me either that I’m not paying attention to them, that I’m a very nervous, paranoid individual, or just really rude. I have been called out on this several times and I know it’s bad but it has been hardwired into my brain, and there is nothing I can do about it.
So I guess I have a few (more like a lot) of non-verbal gestures that I project to people. I have a few that are normal, and I guess you can call some that are abnormal. I guess I can describe my “vibes” as warm, nonchalant, friendly, and just overall cheerful. But then again, I do have moments where I’m awkward, distant, and untrusting.
I know where you are coming about the whole knowing your surroundings. My dad drilled that in my head to know where everything is and where my escape paths would be if something were to happen. I always feel like Columbus from Zombieland (I love that movie) always having my check list with my rules.
ReplyDeleteI also find it more interesting when sitting at a table with someone and watch what others are doing because you can see some of the craziest stuff. It definitely does not help me when I am at Panera Bread stealing their internet to do my homework and I will just sit there and watch what everyone else is doing.
I used to be like that with hugs, but my boyfriend kind of forced me to get over it. He is so touchy, which half the time it bothers me because I want my space. I am a big person about having personal space. I like it and I do not ever want to have someone always invading it, which he tries to do... a lot.
I agree about wanting your space when sitting next to someone. I know when I am sitting next to someone thousands of thoughts run through my head. I get so self conscious and insecure, but when they sit at a distance I am comfortable and confident. Besides it is so much easier to talk to someone when they are sitting across from you at about a distance of three feet.
I see what you are saying about slouching means laid back, I am a slouch too. I am laid for the most part but I do get worked up every easily. I every used to never stress but after having my son and returning back to school full time I started stressing like crazy. I used to never walk with my head in the air but in the last few years, I realized that I have been walking with my head in the air. I think it’s my back hurts a lot and I am always trying to keep it straight. I love when people are friendly by their look, which I don’t have. I not sure why but people never think I am friendly at first but I am very friendly. When I see people dress as you describe I think pretentious but mostly I am wrong. I try to dress in non-laid back clothes but it’s hard for me to shop after having my son. I know the feeling of not wanting someone to touch you. For me it was when my boyfriend moved in with me, I never had alone time and it use to get to me. After having my son, it woke me up and seeing that humans are social and need the contact. I don’t like sitting in the back, I feel like people will always turn and look at me when the teacher call on me. But if I sitting in the front then they can only see my back. So don’t feel like your abnormal, everyone see the world around different.
ReplyDeleteI get what you mean by self presentation. We are all so afraid of people not liking us, or even thinking poorly of us in the smallest way, that we will lie through our teeth to prevent it.
ReplyDeleteI know I do the slouch as well, but I totally combine that with a thousand yard stare or a book in my lap that total destroys approachability. But the slouch is a good way to express a laid back personality and is definitely a sign of approachability.
I'm also someone who smiles a lot. My friends are always fond of saying that no one can be in a bad mood around me when I'm in a good mood. I think it is good that you smile as much as you do. Keep at it! Ha. People do really flock towards a smile.
Your clothing sounds cool! I'm the kind of person who can't really decide on a style and have learned from that that you can't judge someone by their clothes. Clothes don't always represent a person's personality.
Your dad sounds like a mobster. Just kidding. I do think that is good advice, but we can't always micromanage the world.
Keep up the good vibes!
I think it is really hard to be trusting these days, and I think everyone has issues with that topic. I think I would agree with your friend with the not sitting by her scenario, but I also agree with needing your own space, and I personally would understand that. I have a few friends myself that are uncomfortable with the closeness. I, myself, am a little in between in feeling. I like the hugs and closeness, but only from my close friends and family. I have issues with everyone I meet wants to give me hugs. I, too, smile a lot so I guess that make it okay in the eyes of other people, but it makes me uncomfortable. A nonverbal gesture says so much about us, as a person, I think we ourselves don’t realize just how much we affect each other. I think it is awesome that you wearing bright colors. Colors are uplifting and that is very good of you to try to pass on that feeling. I wear colors to fit my mood, and it’s been a lot of black and grays these days. I do feeling better if I do wear happier colors, now that I think of it. I guess I never really gave it much thought, thanks! I think writing these blogs really do help us think about how we work as an individual, don’t you think? I think it was really cool and deep how you analyzed your nonverbal behaviors. Thank you for sharing.
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